I have to be honest with you for a second. In the past, I have not had the best experiences with matters of the heart. Honestly, I don’t even know how many times I’ve found myself crying in my room to a plethora of Taylor Swift songs. Or how many times I’ve spiraled into “crazy girl mode” because my romantic interest could barely muster the bare minimum. Needless to say, I’ve done more than my fair share of settling. And settling for anything less than the green-flag qualities that we all deserve in a partner is not the vibe anymore. It never was, honestly. But a part of growth is realizing that you’ve been doing yourself a disservice by settling.
My lovely, it’s time for all of us to upgrade our standards. Especially if we’ve been settling for less than the bare minimum in our relationships. Or if our relationships have had a tendency to look more like situationships. While I know that it can be hard, it’s time to walk away from the person you’ve given far too many chances to. It’s time to stop wasting your energy on that person who hardly texts you back. My lovely, it’s past time to leave behind the person who won’t love you out loud. As scary as it can be, it’s much better to be single than it is to be with someone who barely does the bare minimum.
True love will find you, my lovely. There is someone out there with all the green-flag qualities who will love you properly. And who will love you out loud. This person will go above and beyond the bare minimum. Don’t settle until you find them. And don’t forget to also work on yourself, so that you also embody those same green-flag qualities.
1 — They Love and Respect Themselves
While I don’t entirely agree with the sentiment that you can’t love someone else without loving yourself first, I do agree with the essence of it. Certainly, one can love and care for someone else without an ounce of self-love. However, without self-love, you can’t love someone else properly. Which is why one of the top green-flag qualities you should be looking for in a partner is self-love and self-respect. Someone who genuinely loves and respects themselves understands that they are already complete on their own. Just the same as you are, my lovely. This means that the two of you will truly enrich each other’s lives. Without it becoming a codependent relationship.
A person who truly loves themselves doesn’t “need” someone else to fill the void that’s missing within themselves. They choose to be with you because they genuinely want you in their life. As an added bonus, a person who loves themselves also has healthy boundaries and communicates their needs effectively. You won’t have to wonder what it is that they want from you, and feel frustrated that you can’t seem to figure them out. Someone who loves themselves will also better regulate their emotions, and they won’t take their bad days out on you.
Plus, a self-loving partner who is confident in themselves won’t ever feel the need to belittle you. Nor will they want you to dull your sparkle for the sake of their ego. As a matter of fact, they’ll encourage you to build yourself up, alongside them. Because you both are amazing and deserve to thrive.
2 — They’re A Good Communicator
Communication is an absolute must in a romantic relationship. Needless to say, one of the green-flag qualities that your partner absolutely must possess is being a good communicator. Because a good communicator will never have you wondering where you stand in their lives. You won’t have to try to figure out what it is that they want from you or how they’re feeling. Nor will you be waiting hours (or days) for a text back from them. If they know they’re going to be busy, or they need a moment of solitude, they’ll communicate that with you. A good communicator won’t have you wondering why you haven’t heard from them for most of the day.
Plus, in a romantic relationship, you want to have open and honest two-way conversations with your partner. You don’t want to feel like you’re giving a podcast to an audience that’s listening to you as background noise. We all deserve to feel heard and have someone that we can listen to as well. Deep conversations with our partner are an important aspect of a romantic relationship. Communication allows us to connect with our favorite person on more than a physical level.
Of course, this isn’t to say that you need to be talking to your partner every waking moment of the day. We all need our time for solitude. As well as time to spend with friends and family outside the relationship. But in no way should we ever be made an afterthought by our romantic interest.
3 — They’re Kind and Respectful To Everyone
Before you commit to being in a romantic relationship with someone, be sure to observe how they treat and speak of others. How do they react when they’re inconvenienced or wronged? Do they speak respectfully of those who are different from them? Are they judgmental of those who have fallen on hard times, or still working on getting their lives together? Another green-flag quality that is crucial to look for in a partner is a person who is always kind and respectful to everyone. Not just toward the people they’re close with. And not only when life is going smoothly. Because, honestly, everyone deserves kindness and respect.
It is a major green flag when your romantic interest can even be kind toward the slow driver on the highway. And a kind-hearted person who doesn’t feel the need to badmouth or judge others is always pleasant to be around. You don’t need to worry about them embarrassing you in front of your friends and family with their judgmental attitude. Nor do you need to worry about them disrespecting and degrading you when you get into a disagreement, whether to your face or behind your back. Because they are also kind and respectful behind closed doors, when they think no one else can hear them.
4 — They’re Someone You Can Mutually Trust
Trust is an absolute must in a relationship. That said, a person who continuously shows you in the smallest ways that you can trust them is a major green flag. Especially when they don’t even give you a reason to question their loyalty to you. Perhaps, they give you the passcode to their phone, or keep it face-up with their notifications on. But you don’t see any reason to look at anything on their phone anyway. And why would you worry about any of their friends getting a bit too close, when their friends know exactly who you are? Or, of course, they’re working a bit late tonight. It’s the busy season for them. But you still appreciate the heads-up text, so you can prepare for a self-care evening.
Because seriously, you know that you have nothing to worry about. And they feel the same amount of trust towards you. They don’t need to see what’s on your phone or who you’re texting. They know the most they’ll find is you and you’re bestie sharing some memes they don’t quite understand. And they’d never ask you to stop hanging out with a certain friend, because they know that person is your friend. They wouldn’t put you through a friendship breakup because they’re confident that your friends won’t affect your relationship. I think you get the idea.
You’re both able to relax and trust one another. Neither of you feels the need to go into “crazy girl/guy” mode. And if either of you has questions or concerns, you communicate them openly and honestly to immediately alleviate any potential anxieties.
5 — They Encourage Your Growth, As They Work To Grow Themselves
One of the best relationship goals to have is for both people to look to elevate their lifestyles, chase their dreams, and grow as individuals. Needless to say, one of the best green-flag qualities for your romantic partner to have is to be a goal-getter who is also a motivator. As a person with big goals and who is striving to become their best self and attract abundance, you want to surround yourself with people who wish to do the same for themselves. After all, we’re often a reflection of the five people that we’re closest to, and our romantic partner is our number one. And oftentimes, our partner has the potential to be our biggest cheerleader.
While your exact goals may be very different, you’re still able to encourage each other’s growth. Certainly, you want to be with someone who celebrates your wins, both big and small. Someone who grows with you, rather than stays stagnant. Someone who loves to celebrate how far you’ve come as an individual. A partner who understands that you’re not content with just being ordinary, because they’re also striving for something extraordinary. They always know that there is room to grow. And when you’re both building something great for yourselves, it lays the foundation for what you can build together.
6 — They Share Similar Values With You
Let me preface this by saying that a person having different values and beliefs from you does not necessarily make them a red flag. It is also highly unlikely that you and your romantic partner are going to see eye to eye on everything. You’re two different human beings with your own life experiences and opinions, and that’s more than okay. With that said, having similar fundamental values to your partner is a green flag for the relationship itself. Especially if you wish to avoid conflicting interests down the road. Along with potential resentment towards one another if your values and wishes do not align.
To use myself as an example, I know that it would be a major struggle for me to try to build a future with a partner who is set on having biological children, as someone who does not want biological children. Especially as there is little room to compromise on such a major life decision. The same would apply to someone who does not wish to travel or even move to another state, when I dream of living in NYC and seeing Europe. And while I am often able to agree to disagree, I may also struggle to hold a conversation who has an entirely different world view than I do. Which wouldn’t be ideal with a potential spouse!
While such conversations may not be the most fun to have, it’s important to know what your romantic interest’s values are early on. Do your family values align? Do you have goals that align, or do they clash? Will you be able to avoid major arguments about politics or religion? Do you have similar financial goals? Can you compromise on what you don’t agree on without resentment? Compatibility is important in a romantic relationship, my lovely.
7 — They Are Fun To Be Around
It goes without saying that you’ll be spending quite a bit of time with your romantic partner. Especially if marriage is a goal for both of you. So with that in mind, one of the green-flag qualities that you certainly want to look for is a person who is fun to be around. Life can be stressful at times, and we want to choose to spend our time with someone who helps relieve the stresses of everyday life, rather than adding to them. Look for someone who makes you laugh and knows how to brighten your day. Someone who has a light within them that makes you feel safe to be your true self with, and helps brighten your light.
I also must say, when you share some common interests with your partner, you’re never bored, as you always have something to do and talk about. And if you have complementary interests, you can even build an empire together! It can also be fun to find new interests through your romantic partner that you may never have thought to try otherwise. It is wonderful to have a life partner that you can go on adventures with and share so many fond memories with along the way.
8 — They Do “Extra” Without Being Asked
You will never need to ask the right person to do the bare minimum. Seriously, the right person will send you that “good morning” text without needing to be reminded how important it is to you. Nor will you be the only one attempting to set up a date with no feedback. As a matter of fact, one of the top green-flag qualities of a true keeper is that they’ll often do extra things you never even thought to ask for. So you’re not just getting a “good morning” text. You’re often getting a heartfelt paragraph before you even wake up. And not only are they planning dates with you, but they’re surprising you with random dates. Just because.
This person goes out of their way to show you just how loved you are. Whether it’s flowers or gifts with no specific occasion, or asking you to join them for a romantic evening walk on a Tuesday night. They go above and beyond the bare minimum, and not just in the beginning. Even after multiple years, they’ll still be doing what it took to catch your attention in the first place.
Conclusion
While a healthy relationship certainly requires a bit of understanding and compromise from both parties, there is never any reason why anyone should settle for mediocrity from their partner. At the very least, our partner should be kind, respectful, trustworthy, and a good communicator. We also want to be with someone who is confident in themselves and aspires for greatness, just like we do. And let’s not forget that our partner should also be someone with ideals that are in alignment with ours, and that we can truly build a fulfilling life with.
Let’s find the strength to walk away from the situationships that aren’t bringing us the fulfillment that we deserve from a relationship. Let’s love ourselves enough not to accept anything less from a partner than the green-flag qualities that we deserve from our lover. Because the love you are looking for exists. Affirm it and believe it, my lovely.
What are some of the green-flag qualities that you look for in a romantic partner? What are your goals in a romantic relationship? I’d love to hear from you!
Some valuable and important green flags!
They most certainly are, Kay! ✨
It’s so important to be able to recognize the green flags! How can you specifically identify self respect, working on growth, and good communication?
I love this, wonderful advice and very well written!