We all have our own fears. With that in mind, fear is not inherently bad, as fear is intended to keep us safe. Fear allows us to recognize potential threats to our well-being and act accordingly to stay safe. And we most certainly should have that fight or flight response to potentially dangerous situations. We should most certainly be stayin˝g or getting away from objectively dangerous situations. It’s also not a bad thing to tune into your intuition when something feels off, and proceed with caution. But at the same time, some fears only hold us back from reaching our full potential or from living our best lives. And those, my lovely, are the fears that are worth facing.
I’m sure you know which fears I’m talking about. The fears that attempt to protect us from potentially being embarrassed or potentially having our feelings hurt. With the keywords being potentially. What that in mind, not facing these fears also holds us back from potential success, happiness, and getting whatever it is that we want. And why would we allow the fear of potentially being a little embarrassed be what keeps us from making strides towards our best lives? Or allow the risk of potentially having our feelings hurt hold us back from finding true happiness. It makes no sense when you truly think about it.
Honestly, the only logical thing to do with such fears is face them. Because your best life is more than worth facing these fears for. Especially when the worst that can happen is some hurt feelings. Which comes with a valuable lesson that you can apply to increase your chances of success the next time.
The Fear Of Being Perceived
As someone who is neurodivergent and has experienced social anxiety to a nearly debilitating level, I know this fear all too well. I also know first-hand just how much allowing yourself to run from this fear can hold you back. From not going to places and events that I really wanted to go to, to allowing great opportunities to pass me by. Simply because I might be spoken to, noticed, or even just seen by people who might judge me. With the keyword again being might. And given the fact that I do genuinely want to build connections with others and form genuine friendships.
And my lovely, you’ve got to be perceived, and even put yourself out there, to build connections with others. Which is one of the many reasons to face any fears you may have around being perceived. Along with feeling free to be yourself, and be the vibrant person that you are.
As a content creator, being perceived also comes with the territory of publishing content on the internet. Which has made this fear even more worth facing for me. Because I certainly can’t be afraid of people reading, watching, or listening to my content, just because a few people might not like it. I also can not be afraid to connect with my readers or viewers, go on Zoom calls, and network with other creators! I know what opportunities can potentially come my way and help me grow as a creator. And I can’t pass them up because I’m anxious about what others might think of me and/or my content.
The Fear Of Deep Connections
Although I’m an introvert, I still value connections with others. Albeit, I tend to gravitate toward having a few deep connections over having a lot of acquaintances. But with that in mind, I often feel so connected to the people that I get close to that it’s a bit scary. Because being so deeply connected to a person can lead to potential heartbreak if that connection is severed. Or when you actually have to be the one to let that person go, because you know that connection is hurting you. This applies not only to lovers, but also to friends. Sometimes, this applies even more so to friends, because you often don’t think of breaking up with friends.
But as much as it does hurt to feel betrayed by someone you care about, or to watch a connection fizzle out, it does not mean that every connection you make is going to come to an end. There are people who want to be in your life for the long haul. Your lifelong friends are out there. So is your soulmate, if you desire a lifelong romantic partner. But you can not be afraid to let your walls down and connect deeply with others. And while it’s okay to have your guard up at first, as trust builds, you’ve got to let yourself open up.
You can open up slowly, my lovely. Honestly, the best friendships and romantic relationships are built over time anyway. You just have to allow those connections to form organically, and not shut them out. The connections that you can build are worth facing any fears you may have of potentially getting hurt. Because while some people certainly don’t have the best intentions, that certainly doesn’t apply to everyone.
The Fear Of Rejection
Let’s be honest, rejection doesn’t tend to feel all that great. And you know what? It’s okay to feel disappointed if you get that email stating that you didn’t get that job. Or to feel a little disheartened if your crush doesn’t feel the same way about you. Honestly, rejection is often an inevitable part of the process of building the life that you want. Certainly, we can admit that rejection stings. We can also admit that it’s scary to put ourselves out there, knowing there’s a chance that we might be rejected.
But here’s the thing: if we don’t even try to go for it, we can’t get what we want. Because if you don’t ask, the answer is always going to be a silent no. Whilst you also wonder what could have been. And that alone makes rejection one of the biggest fears worth facing. Especially given the fact that rejection is actually just redirection, and can even be a blessing! Rejection often protects us from wasting our time on something that wasn’t meant for us and allows us to redirect our time and energy elsewhere. So why should we be so afraid to be told no?
Because all rejection means is that we should look for something better. Or maybe that we should work a bit harder or restrategize. There’s always something valuable to take from every “no” you may get in life. And if nothing else? You’ll know that you tried. Rather than wondering what could have been. Heck, you may even be relieved that you were rejected and redirected! Especially once a better opportunity comes your way.
The Fear Of Being Alone
There was once a time in my life that I was so afraid to be alone that I’d hold on to people who weren’t meant for me for far too long. I’d stick around frienemies who were making me feel bad about myself, or who were blatantly using me for their own gain. I would also stay in a relationship or situationship with someone who I knew would never treat me right. Heck, I’d even chase people that I honestly wanted to walk away from. All because I didn’t want to be single or feel as though I had no friends. Despite the fact that I actually felt lonelier and more anxious with these people in my life than I did as a lone wolf.
Honestly, when you think logically about it, it’s actually scarier to be surrounded by people who constantly make you feel bad about yourself than it is to be alone. Over the years, I’ve realized that a “good morning, beautiful” text isn’t worth the stress of a partner who is likely going to attempt to start an argument by noon. It’s also much more peaceful to spend an evening alone at home than it is to go out with friends with whom you feel as though you have to walk on eggshells. Because constantly masking your authentic self or dimming your light is certainly exhausting.
And here’s the thing about choosing to let go or walk away: you’re not going to be alone forever. Honestly, you have to allow yourself to be a lone wolf for a time to make room for better people to come into your life. So let those toxic people go, my lovely. Give yourself time to heal on your own, and in time, the right partner and/or friends will come along.
The Fear Of Failure or Embarrassment
As someone who can be quite a perfectionist, there have been too many times that I wouldn’t start something or go for it because I was afraid to fail. Or because I didn’t want to “embarrass” myself, knowing that I was a complete novice at something. Or perhaps, imposter syndrome starts to kick in, even when I objectively have the skills, knowledge, and my own level of credibility in what I’m doing. And despite knowing that I’m meant for greatness, I also know the risks of shooting for directly for the stars. Especially knowing that it may take a few attempts to launch, and I’ll need to make a few adjustments to my metaphorical rocket ship.
But here’s the thing: if you don’t try, you can’t succeed. If you want to be a content creator, you have to create and post that content. If you want to start a business, you have to take the risk to launch that business. And honestly? Your first few pieces of content might flop. Or you might need to make some major adjustments to your business strategy. You may need to rebrand your content or business a few times before it feels just right. It may take some time for the views or sales to start pouring in. But in time, success will start to come your way, as long as you take a chance on it and go all in.
Failure is a part of the process of building success. Any fears you may have around failure, embarrassment, or looking silly are more than worth facing. Because one day, they’ll be a part of your story. And each failure offers a valuable lesson in how you can change your strategy for success.
The Fear Of What You REALLY Want
Have you ever wanted something so badly that you were afraid to admit it? Sometimes, to the point you couldn’t even admit it to yourself. Be completely honest. Because I know that I’m certainly guilty of being so afraid of my own desires that I’d suppress them. Simply because I wanted them so badly, I felt it was easier to convince myself that I didn’t want them than to face my fears around going for them. Just to avoid potential hurt feelings, failure, embarrassment, or disappointment around something so important to me. Thus holding myself back from living my best life in the process of trying to protect myself emotionally. While also keeping myself from true happiness.
Maybe it’s a certain career path that others may have led you to believe is too hard to obtain. So you’ve opted for a “safer” and seemingly more sustainable career path, whether you enjoy it or not. Or maybe you want to get married to your soulmate, but you’ve had your heart broken one too many times. So you may refrain from committed relationships, and even act as though you don’t want anything serious in a relationship. Maybe you want to live a certain lifestyle, but you know you’ll have to let go of your familiar but limiting beliefs about yourself to do so. So you instead say that lifestyle is “uppity” or “unrealistic”.
A lot of the time, our fears surrounding what we truly want stem back to the fears we discussed previously. Which makes all of these fears worth facing. So that we can also stop being afraid to admit what will truly have us living our best lives, and stop holding ourselves back.
Conclusion
Everything you want is on the other side of fear, my lovely. And I know that you’re not one to allow your fears to keep you from living your best life. It’s okay to be nervous and to be cautious as you face your fears. I believe that it’s always wise to have a plan and to understand what you’re getting into. But you also can’t allow what could possibly go wrong to keep you from what could go right. Especially when, worst-case scenario, you learn a lesson as to how you could plan better for next time. Or maybe your ego may be slightly bruised. And we all know that fears that exist purely to protect our ego are more than worth facing.
What are some of the biggest fears you’ve had to face to start living the life you truly wanted to live? Are there any fears that are still holding you back? I’d love to hear your stories surrounding your fears and how you’ve overcome them.
What lovely and deeply personal commentary, you’ve got a great way of explaining big topics like self love and our fears… very inspiring!
Great read! Inspiring and I learned a lot. Thanks for sharing.
I really enjoyed reading the fear of what you really want. I found this very inspiring to keep pushing for what I want.
Very thoughtful and inspiring. An interesting read.