When it comes to a romantic breakup, you don’t have to look very far to seek comfort and support. Or even just something that you can relate to. When it comes to romantic love, there are countless songs about heartbreak, rejection, and moving on. Heck, Taylor Swift likely has a breakup song with lyrics that speak to your exact situation. And you don’t have to search hard for blog posts, podcasts, or any other form of media with words of wisdom on how to get through the heartache. With that said, the same can’t really be said for when you’re navigating a friendship breakup. Which can cause us just as much grief, if not more.
Honestly, we don’t talk about the grief and confusion that comes along with navigating a friendship breakup enough. Especially as friendship breakups often feel more unexpected than romantic breakups. After all, we often think about crying on our best friend’s shoulder after our partner breaks things off with us. Not the other way around. And it can feel quite isolating trying to navigate a friendship breakup when there seems to be little to relate to on the matter. There aren’t nearly as many songs out there that talk about the grief of a friendship ending. Especially not without bitterness.
It can be genuinely difficult to find any direct comfort and support when you’re navigating a friendship breakup. Not only is there quite a shortage of media that relates to the heartache of losing a close friend, but it can be hard to find a support system for getting through it. It honestly feels as though you’re expected to just “get over it”, without much of a grief process. But it shouldn’t have to feel that way. Nor does it have to, my lovely.
Understand That Your Feelings Are 100% Valid
Whatever you do, my lovely, don’t try to tell yourself that you’re overreacting when you’re navigating a friendship breakup. Just because you weren’t romantically involved with them, it doesn’t mean that it isn’t gut-wrenching to have to let them go. You made fond memories with your friend and built a connection with them. Your best friend was likely the first person you’d want to tell when anything happened in your life. Of course, you’re going to have a strong emotional reaction if they decide they no longer wish to be in your life.
It’s valid to feel heartbroken if your bestie tells you that she no longer wishes to hang out with you, and to not even bother texting her. Honestly, it can feel like your world is being flipped upside down to no longer have your most trusted friend in your life. Or that your heart has been ripped from your chest by someone you wouldn’t expect. On that note, it’s also valid if you’re angry at their decision to drop you as a friend. Especially if they seemingly unfriended, unfollowed, or blocked you out of the blue, with no explanation. Certainly, your emotions are going to be intense when you’re navigating a friendship breakup.
And you’ve got to let yourself feel them, my lovely. Don’t try to invalidate the intensity of your emotions regarding the loss of a friendship. Just like a romantic breakup, you’re grieving the loss of a person who’s still alive. A person you once trusted, and you now feel betrayed by. Someone you loved spending time with, but you won’t even be texting or calling anymore. Sometimes, you may not even have the answers as to why. It’s valid to feel whatever it is you’re feeling. Let yourself fully feel and process your emotions.
Working Through Your Emotions When Navigating a Friendship Breakup
As you work through the emotions that you may be feeling a you navigate a friendship breakup, it’s crucial to ensure you’re doing so in a healthy way. While we want to allow ourselves to fully feel our emotions, we don’t want to make ourselves feel any worse in the process. Nor do we want to turn to harmful coping mechanisms, and make it harder for us to truly heal. Darling, you will come out on the other side of the hard emotions you may be feeling right now. But while you’re in the midst of navigating a friendship breakup, let’s feel and release our emotions. While also making room for ourselves to heal.
Let Yourself Cry
It is more than okay to cry when you’re navigating the heartache of a friendship breakup. Honestly, it’s okay to cry over anything that stirs up your emotions or makes you feel sad or angry. Seriously, if you have to “ugly cry” on your kitchen floor after your bestie suddenly betrays you, let yourself do so. Scream into your pillow if you have to. Let it out, my lovely. There is never any shame in letting your tears flow and letting your emotions out.
Listen to Music That Relates to Your Emotions
While there may not be nearly as many songs about the grief of a friendship breakup as a romantic breakup, there are still songs out there that speak to navigating a friendship breakup. Honestly, some breakup songs can also apply to the emotions you might be feeling when it comes to losing a friend. After all, friendship is a type of love. You may even find that songs about grief may have lyrics that relate to how you’re feeling.
Sometimes, even a single line of a song can help you feel less alone when it comes to the loss of a friendship. Just as it can also help with a romantic breakup or other form of grief.
Meditation and Spiritual Practices
As uncomfortable as it may be to sit with the difficult emotions of a friendship breakup, it can be beneficial to quietly meditate on what we’re feeling. Sometimes, we have to allow ourselves to just feel our emotions and notice what thoughts come up. And without judging ourselves for whatever thoughts or emotions may come up, as we sit in silence and just breathe through it.
This doesn’t necessarily have to be a spiritual practice, by any means. But if you are a spiritual person, it can deepen your meditation to implement spiritual practices or tools into your meditation. Spirituality can also be beneficial on your healing journey when practiced in a healthy way that resonates with you.
Talking to Someone You Trust
Navigating the grief of a friendship breakup can feel quite lonely and isolating. Especially considering the fact that you’re being forced to let go of someone who was a major part of your life. Naturally, you may need a shoulder to cry on when you’re processing the difficult emotions of losing a friend. And honestly, it’s better to have a support system around you when you’re navigating a friendship breakup than it is to go through it alone. Knowing that you have a support system and people who care about you in your life will help prevent you from spiraling deeper into negative thinking.
My lovely, that one person walking away does not make you unlovable. Even if they were your bestie. And when you confide in those who are still in your life, they will certainly remind you how wonderful you still are.
Journaling About Your Emotions
When it comes to navigating a friendship breakup, we’re going to have a lot of thoughts and emotions that we’re going to need to let out. At the same time, we may not necessarily want to share those thoughts with others. We may also need a space where we don’t have to hold back our exact thoughts. This is why journaling is such an amazing thing. Journaling is an amazing outlet for us in just about every situation to let our thoughts out without being judged. So take a moment to sit down with your journal and write down what you’re feeling. Let your thoughts just flow onto the page, and don’t hold back.
Use Your Emotions to Create Something
As a creative person, I often find that allowing my emotions to inspire my creative works can be quite healing. As a matter of fact, writing this post is a part of my own healing process, as it’s giving me a space to articulate my own thoughts. Quite honestly, I’m writing the content that I needed to read in the midst of my friendship breakup. Content I know that will resonate with someone else out there, and help someone else heal while they’re navigating their own friendship breakup. And if you’re a creative soul, I strongly recommend you use your creativity to express and articulate your emotions.
Write a song about the heartache or bitterness you’re feeling about your friendship breakup. Draw or paint something that represents your grief. Express your thoughts about losing a friend through poetry. Document your healing journey through writing blog posts or even by writing a book. You don’t even have to publish your works. But if you do choose to publish your work, you never know who your art may resonate with and help heal.
Do Not Chase Them
In the same way that you should never chase your ex-partner when you’re going through a romantic breakup, you also shouldn’t chase after a former friend either. Honestly, you shouldn’t chase after any person who has chosen to walk out of your life. I know it’s hard, but you have to let them go if they want to go, my lovely. Chasing after them and trying to convince them to stay in your life seldom ever has a positive outcome. Oftentimes, it only pushes them away even further and damages any future chance of reconciliation. Not to mention, it’s highly disrespectful to yourself to waste your precious energy on someone who disrespected and hurt you.
There is a chance they may come around in the future, but you have to allow them to do so on their own. And honestly, you may even want to consider whether or not your former friend is someone you even want to allow back into your life. Because one thing we’re not going to do is allow anyone to disrespect us. And we’re not going to let anyone back into our lives without having that hard conversation of what both parties were feeling. Nor will we be accepting excuses without accountability. Got it?!
Respect yourself, my lovely. The universe just might be clearing the toxicity from your life, so you can level up. Even if you can’t see it yet, everything happens for a reason, and the universe is on your side.
Understand That You Might Not Get The Closure You Deserve
When you’re navigating a friendship breakup, it is honestly a blessing to know exactly what went wrong between the two of you. Having closure certainly helps us move forward and helps us to understand why our friendship ended. When our former friend tells us exactly what they’re feeling and their reasoning behind their decision, it shows us where we can grow. Whether that means taking accountability and growing from it, or that we need to be more cautious of who we let close to us. Closure is a blessing, even when we don’t like the answer. Because being left to speculate on what happened can certainly leave us spiraling.
That said, unfortunately, we’re not always going to get the closure that we deserve. Many people simply do not have the courage to have that hard conversation about why they’re walking out of our lives. After all, it’s not a pleasant conversation to have. So, despite knowing how disrespectful it is to end a friendship without even talking to the other person, they may never bring it up. You might not even get so much as a text message saying that the friendship is over. You might just notice one day that they have unfollowed or unfriended you on everything. They may have even blocked you out of the blue.
No falling out, no warning signs, no answers. Just, poof, bye girl! And sadly, you’ll have to learn to be okay with the complete lack of closure. Because you can’t force someone to respect you, and give you the answers you deserve.
Possible Reasons Your Former Friend Ended Your Friendship
In all honesty, it’s better not to waste your energy speculating on what happened between you and your former friend. After all, any person who doesn’t respect you enough to explain why they’re breaking off your connection isn’t worth stressing over. But it’s only natural to want to find some sort of explanation as to why your friendship ended. Especially if it was a particularly close or long-term friendship. It’s human to want to know why we’ve been put in a position where we’re navigating a friendship breakup. Was it something that we did or said? Was this person ever our true friend to begin with? What went wrong?
That said, there may be reasons that your friendship ended that have little to nothing to do with you. So don’t be so quick to jump to the conclusion that you weren’t a good friend. And don’t ever let a friendship breakup cause you to believe that you aren’t worthy of love and connection. Honestly, if your former friend couldn’t explain why they’re ending the friendship, it says more about them than it does about you. And even if there is room for you to grow and learn to become a better friend, there is no need to berate yourself over it.
Your Paths Simply No Longer Align
Every single one of us is on our own journey and has our own path to follow in this life. Certainly, it is a blessing to come across lovely people along the way and walk with them for a time, but not everyone is meant to walk with us forever. Sometimes, our paths are so drastically different that the separation is best for the growth of both people. There may also be times when it’s time for us to level up, but our friend isn’t able to come with us to the next phase in our growth journey. They may even be intimidated by the path we’re on, as it can be quite foreign to many to live such an elevated and abundant life.
The universe may have also intervened in the case that maintaining a friendship with this person could take you down a dark path. Or if your former friend was otherwise holding you back, even subconsciously. Remember, endings can often be blessings in disguise.
You Grew Apart Over Time
Sometimes, our friendships slowly fizzle out over time as life goes on and our paths separate. We may find ourselves speaking less and less to someone who was once our best friend as life gets busier and busier. And, of course, as we grow and change, we may also find that we just no longer have much in common anymore. Perhaps, there’s really just nothing we can bond over with our friend, aside from the past.
Life may have even changed us in ways that we may also have clashing world views. And, sometimes, clashing ideologies can be the end of an already distant friendship. That one social media post where you expressed your opinion on something even mildly controversial may have been just enough to prompt them to unfollow you. But, honestly, they may have even just noticed the distance between you two and figured the friendship had run its course. Especially as you’re both in such different places in life now.
Your Friend Has Been Dealing With Their Own Struggles
To say that life can sometimes be a struggle would be quite an understatement. All of us have struggles that we don’t speak to others about. And some struggles are heavier than others, which may be the case for your friend. There is a chance that they’ve decided to distance themselves because they need space while they work through their struggles. They may also have ended the friendship because they believe that they’d only be a burden to those around them. Honestly, you may not even be the only person they’ve cut off as they look to isolate. And unfortunately, there may not be much you can do for them if they are actively pushing you away.
You can only be there for someone in the ways that they’ll allow you to be. And honestly, you can’t help someone who won’t help themselves. Much less, who won’t accept the help of others.
Someone Else Influenced Them to End The Friendship
Sometimes, there may be another party involved in our friend’s decision to drop the connection we shared. And honestly, in a lot of cases, it only shows a person’s true colors if they’re able to be influenced to end a friendship to appease others. Especially when they’re doing so to gain status amongst a crowd who wouldn’t accept them otherwise. You may even find that your former friend will attempt to run back to you after karma teaches them a lesson. Or their new social circle rejects them anyway.
And as you heal, you may find that you don’t even want someone in your life who betrayed you to chase popularity or status. Let them realize that the grass isn’t always greener on the other side. Because certainly, you don’t want to become a doormat for your former friend when their betrayal bites them in the rear.
Their Friendship Was Conditional To Begin With
While it’s highly unfortunate, some of the people we believe are our friends may not genuinely be our true friends. They may only accept us when we dim our own light to make others comfortable, rather than embracing our authentic selves. Perhaps, they may even be intimidated by our growth as we blossom and evolve. Some people don’t want to see others evolve and level up. Especially when they’re not doing the work to elevate their own lives. And you know what? That is their issue, not yours. Keep blooming and shining your light. Your true tribe will make their way to you.
They May Have Felt Their Needs Weren’t Being Met In The Friendship
None of us should ever be opposed to taking accountability when we know we may have dropped the ball. We all have our shortcomings, and it is possible that your friend may not have felt her needs were being met. Unfortunately, many people may not express that we are inadvertently hurting them until one day we’re suddenly blocked on Facebook. Perhaps, they felt we weren’t reaching out to them often enough. Or conversely, they felt like we were smothering them. They may have felt that we don’t listen to them, celebrate them, or empathize with them in the way that they need.
And I must say, if you feel this may be the case, you should certainly take accountability and grow from it. Certainly, we want to become better people and be better friends to others. But remember, it’s hard to know how others are feeling if they don’t tell you. Don’t be too hard on yourself for not knowing that your former friend was unhappy with you before they left you navigating a friendship breakup. Especially if they couldn’t even tell you why they’ve decided to cut you off.
Take Accountability Where You Need To
First things first, I’d like to take a moment to state that taking accountability is not about berating yourself. Taking accountability is not something that should spiral into negative self-talk or breed self-loathing. As a matter of fact, taking accountability when you know you’ve done wrong is a highly compassionate and elegant act. It allows us to acknowledge how our actions, or inactions, make others feel. Accountability forces us to drop the excuses to learn and grow from our mistakes, so that we can do better by others. It might be uncomfortable, but necessary to acknowledge our shortcomings and learn to do better.
It is actually an act of self-love to acknowledge that you’re not perfect and that you need to grow. Especially as we don’t want to find ourselves in a pattern of constantly navigating friendship breakups. So let’s own up to it if we weren’t celebrating our best friend’s wins often enough. Or if we didn’t reach out to her enough, and she was always texting first. Or that, conversely, we were smothering her and not giving her enough space. Whatever it is, own up to it. It may not necessarily win your friend back to tae accountability, but that’s not the point. The point is to allow ourselves to learn from it and grow from it.
Also, you may not necessarily need to take accountability for how you may have treated your former friend. Sometimes, you may even need to take accountability for allowing yourself to be mistreated by this person. Especially if you had previously been quite a doormat for them. Or you ignored any red flags that this person may not have respected you in the first place, and you allowed too many boundaries to be crossed.
Healing and Moving Forward
Navigating a friendship breakup can feel absolutely soul-crushing. Just like a romantic breakup, it is something that we will need to give ourselves time to heal from. We will also actively need to care for ourselves and make sure that we aren’t hindering our own healing process. There is never any need to prolong our feelings of heartache. Even in the case that we may have been in the wrong, and need to take accountability and learn from it. My lovely, berating yourself and letting your friendship breakup tear you apart is not the answer. So much growth happens when you allow yourself to heal from heartache.
Glow through what you go through.
Please, take good care of yourself as you are navigating your friendship breakup. Let yourself come out of this a stronger, kinder, and better version of yourself. I know you will, my lovely, you’ve got this.
Choosing Yourself and Being Your Own Best Friend
When you’re going through a friendship breakup, one of the best things that you can do is focus on the one person who will never leave you. Yourself. No one knows yourself better than you do, and no one knows what you need right now better than you do. Yet, it is often ourselves that we neglect the most when we’re giving so much of our energy to others. And this isn’t even to mention that it’s hard to love others when we’re not properly loving ourselves. So let’s take this time to be our own best friend and raise ourselves up as we go through this difficult time.
Let’s the best friend to ourselves that we wish to have. Let’s be the ones to motivate ourselves to get back on our feet and feel joy again. Speak to yourself with the kindness that you would a friend who is navigating their own friendship breakup. Take yourself on coffee dates and shopping trips. Learn to have fun on your own. Pamper yourself and treat yourself. Seriously, my lovely, be your own best friend. Especially if you know you’ve been neglecting yourself for far too long.
Focus On Self-Care
As you deal with the challenging emotions of navigating a friendship breakup, you want to be sure that you’re still caring for yourself. Especially as allowing yourself to “bed rot” and neglecting your needs will often leave you feeling worse. Let’s not be neglecting ourselves because someone else decided they no longer wish to be a part of our lives. Let’s actually focus in on our self-care, give ourselves a glow up, better ourselves, and elevate our lives from here.
Go all in on taking care of your wellness and allowing yourself to feel good so you can glow from the inside out. Allow yourself to have some fun and treat yourself in ways that you normally wouldn’t. Partake in endeavors that bring more positivity into your life and help brighten your light. Kindly acknowledge where you have room for growth, and allow yourself to blossom into a better version of yourself. Love yourself enough to follow the advice you’d give to someone you love. Because you’re worthy of so much love from yourself.
Do Not Engage In Negative Self-Talk
My lovely, do not under any circumstances engage in negative self-talk when you’re navigating a friendship breakup. Even in the event you’re taking some accountability for the demise of your friendship, you should never berate yourself. You are a human being. You’re going to make mistakes sometimes. But you can learn and grow from them, without bullying yourself. Don’t you dare let yourself believe that you are a bad person because of this. Or that you’re not worthy of love and connection. Don’t feed yourself any self-deprecating nonsense. You don’t need that from yourself. Nor do you deserve it.
Moving Forward
A big part of your healing journey as you’re navigating a friendship breakup is giving yourself the space to move forward. It is letting go of the person who had once been your friend, and letting yourself move on. As time progresses, you will meet new people with whom you’ll have better compatibility. People who will genuinely appreciate the connection that you build together. Time will heal the wound that your former friend had left, but you also have to allow time to heal your heartache. This is why it’s so important not to chase and to refocus your energy on self-care and healing.
Certainly, it’s healthy to have a good cry and feel your emotions. But there also comes a time to heal and move forward.
Avoid Triggers — Such As Checking Their Social Media
Honestly, if your ex-bestie blocked you on social media, it may be a blessing in disguise. If they merely unfriended or unfollowed you, I highly recommend ensuring that you unfollow and mute their posts, at the very least. If you don’t outright block them, so they don’t have a means to come back into your life. And, please, don’t go to their profile to see what they have been up to. Or if they had posted anything that might or might not be about you. You’ll only be hurting yourself by continuing to watch them from afar.
It doesn’t matter who they’re hanging out with now or what they’re doing with their life. Nor does it really matter what they might suggest about you in a Facebook post. Their opinion is no longer relevant, and they no longer know you anyway. Don’t stress yourself out by looking at your social media. They aren’t even worth the battery power of your phone.
Understand That Their Opinion Doesn’t Speak For Anyone Else
I have to be honest with you for a second. As someone with rejection-sensitive dysphoria stemming from undiagnosed AuDHD in childhood, my brain can jump to the conclusion that everyone is going to reject me. Especially when I’m in the midst of navigating a friendship breakup with someone I was particularly close with. And honestly, using logic is what helps the most with busting the thought cycle that everyone else shares my former friend’s opinion of me. Logically, I know that my former friend ending our friendship has nothing to do with how anyone else will treat or perceive me.
I know that one person does not speak for anyone else but themselves. I know that their disrespect of me does not reflect how anyone else is going to treat me. Nor does their opinion mean anything to someone who genuinely cherishes the connection that they wish to build with me. Nothing about your former friendship foreshadows how your future friendships will play out. Especially not when you learn and grow from them.
Conclusion
Navigating a friendship breakup can be absolutely gut-wrenching and devastating. It can feel even worse than a romantic breakup, as you often don’t expect a friend to suddenly walk out of your life. Especially when they seem to do so without any warning or explanation. Not to mention that it can feel quite isolating when we don’t talk about friendship breakups nearly as much as romantic breakups. But that does not mean that you have to navigate your friendship breakup alone. Nor does it mean that you can’t feel your emotions surrounding it deeply.
Please know that in time, you will heal from this. This period of heartache and confusion will pass, my lovely. And in time, you’ll make new friends who will genuinely appreciate you.
Have you ever had to navigate a friendship breakup? What did you do to help yourself process your emotions so that you could eventually heal from them? How did you grow from what you learned from your friendship breakup? Are there any songs that you’d suggest to someone going through a friendship breakup? Let’s help each other get through this difficult time.
Navigating a friendship breakup is a challenging thing to tackle. Thank you very much for these practical tips. Very helpful.
Friendship breakups are rough, especially in a society that doesn’t seem to talk much about them. Which is the exact reason why I wrote this post to give others some practical guidance, as someone who has been there myself.
Thank you for reading, Hari!
Great Tips for friendship breakups as I highly sensitive empath this was an area I struggled with, I also found it very difficult to set healthy boundaries in my friendships which impacted my health
I’m quite a sensitive empath myself, so it’s certainly a struggle to deal with friendship breakups. I’ve also found it quite difficult to set boundaries in the past, and I’m still working on that area as a recovering people pleaser.
Take good care of yourself, Eileen. 💕