While I personally like to focus on the positives in life and infuse happiness and joy into even the most mundane moments of my life. That said, I know that life can certainly be heavy sometimes. And honestly, not every moment even should be romanticized or made light of. Even as you look to find comfort in those difficult times. I know that, objectively speaking, some moments in life are just awful. Sometimes, you have to let yourself feel the negative emotions associated with whatever it is that you’re going through. There is absolutely nothing wrong with feeling negative emotions in the wake of a tragedy, loss, or uncertainty, my lovely. You don’t have to shove down those unpleasant emotions, and you honestly shouldn’t.
Perhaps you’re going through a hard romantic or friendship breakup, and you’re navigating the grief, anger, and loneliness that comes along with that. Maybe you’ve recently lost a friend, family member, or a beloved pet, and the bereavement hits you in the most simple of moments. Maybe you’re between jobs, and you’re feeling the stress of an uncertain career transition. Or you may be overwhelmed by the constant bombardment of tragedy from the 24-hour news cycle around the world. Maybe tragedy even struck your community directly, and you’re trying to process how it could have happened in your own backyard.
There are countless ways that life can be a little less than beautiful sometimes. Or just straight up awful for a period of time. And we have to let ourselves feel whatever we may be feeling about it. However, what we don’t have to do is let those emotions consume us. And honestly, we should also be looking to find peace and comfort, even in the most difficult times of our lives.
Let Yourself Feel Your Emotions — Without Any Judgment
Listen, my lovely, I know that some emotions aren’t pleasant, and the urge to “correct” them can be strong sometimes. But as much as we’d sometimes like to skip the feelings of grief, heartbreak, anger, uncertainty, or fear, we shouldn’t try to avoid these feelings. Honestly, we should even welcome them in difficult times, and allow ourselves to sit with them. Without judging ourselves for what we’re feeling. After all, these negative emotions come from a place of empathy, compassion, and knowing what matters. There is truly no need to judge ourselves for feeling unpleasant emotions, whether we’re impacted directly by what stirred our emotions or not.
Seriously, you’re allowed to feel your grief fully in a time of loss. You can fully grieve the loss of your pet in the same way you would a human friend or relative. You can even grieve the ending of a romantic or platonic relationship with someone you imagined a life of love and friendship with. Honestly, you can even grieve the life of someone you never actually met. Heck, you can even grieve the ending of a job or stage in your life, while being fearful or anxious of what comes next. It’s also more than okay if anger mixes with your grief. It’s human to be angry when life doesn’t feel fair.
Seriously, let yourself just feel what you’re feeling. Don’t judge yourself if you’re angry at your ex-partner or friend for how the relationship ended. And don’t feel like you’re dramatic for crying when your neighbor you hardly knew passed away. Or for even feeling sad on the last day of that job you complained about for 5 years. You’re human, my lovely, and your emotions are part of being human. So let yourself feel them fully.
Find Healthy Ways To Express Your Emotions
When I say I want you to allow yourself to feel your emotions without judgment and express them without holding back, I would like to say that that expression should be done in a healthy manner. As we look to find peace and comfort in difficult times, we want to let it all out in a way that maintains respect for ourselves and others. Certainly, we should be letting go of our ego as we express our emotions. And there are plenty of ways to do so without letting go of your dignity, self-respect, and staying kind to others. You don’t necessarily have to be “productive” in the way you express your emotions either for it to be healthy, healing, and comforting. You just have to be mindful and intentional.
That said, there is absolutely nothing wrong with crying out loud on your bedroom floor. You can even lock yourself in the bathroom to scream. It’s also more than okay to make that sad or angry playlist and listen to it as you navigate your emotions. Maybe you might even find comfort in writing your own song, writing a story, or otherwise putting your emotions into a more creative expression. Maybe take a moment to meditate or engage in comforting spiritual practices that resonate with you. Perhaps even just writing out your thoughts in your journal can help lift the emotional weight off your shoulders and help you put your emotions into words. Or talk about what you’re feeling with someone you trust.
There are so many beautiful ways that you can express your emotions in a healthy and healing manner. And remember, even if it feels messy, that doesn’t mean it’s not a beautiful way to express your emotions. As long as it’s kind to yourself and others.
Tune Out From What’s Happening For A Bit
I’m not going to say that modern technology and our 24-hour access to information don’t have their benefits. Nor am I against being informed about what’s happening in your community or getting insight into your own life situation. However, I definitely believe that there is such a thing as being overinformed. And honestly? I feel like we all need to disconnect from the problems around us from time to time. As well as from the digital world, in general, including what’s on TV. Especially as we’re often not doing ourselves any favors by trying to learn all the details in difficult times. Sometimes, I think we actually need to spare ourselves the details, especially as we know we can’t usually change what happened.
Plus, it’s also a major time sink to stay glued to social media or the news to find the latest details of the latest tragedy in the news. Even if it’s in your local community. And not giving yourself a break from the hardship makes it hard to find peace and comfort in difficult times when you’re constantly being flooded by new details. Not to mention that misinformation can also lead to needless additional heartache over pure speculation. Or that watching your ex-partner or former friend on social media can needlessly wind you back up, instead of allowing you to let go. Seriously, sometimes you need to log off, tune out, and allow yourself to enjoy life for a bit.
Taking a break from the news doesn’t mean that you don’t care. Nor does putting your phone down, or even muting some people or keywords. Taking a moment to just breathe doesn’t mean that you’ve stopped caring. Letting yourself tune out is exactly what you need to do to protect your peace and comfort in difficult times.
Focus On What You Can Plausibly Do
It goes without saying that we can not go back and change the past. Even if we had a time machine, we cannot change events that were beyond our control, to begin with. And we often objectively know that. That said, we also know that we are often not responsible for fixing anything outside of our own lives. And sometimes, there is only so much that we can plausibly do to help in difficult times. Seriously, you’re not responsible for healing your entire community in times of tragedy. Nor are you responsible for fixing your friend’s life when they’ve gotten themself into a bad situation. Heck, sometimes there are only so many steps you can take for yourself at a time.
You don’t have to fix everything, my lovely. And remember, it’s not your fault what happens in the world around you. Certainly, you can take small actions to help. As a matter of fact, I find that small acts of kindness and micro-steps forward are wonderful for finding comfort in difficult times. And it can be something as simple as donating $5 at a community fundraiser set up to help those affected. Or even just showing up to show solidarity or signing a petition to have your voice heard. Maybe it’s taking the first step forward towards showing yourself more self-love and kindness. And honestly? Even if it feels small, it may be more impactful than you think.
You can make a difference and be part of the healing without stretching yourself too thin. You may not be able to fix the world. Nor will you always be able to change your own situation in an evening. But those small steps forward are what spread kindness, light, and positivity into your own life and into the lives of others.
Stay Consistent With Healthy Habits — And Get Yourself Back On Track
First things first, it’s okay if you do fall out of your routine a little bit for a few days in difficult times. Please don’t be hard on yourself if you’ve had a few nights of staying up too late, skipping bits of your morning routine, and missing your daily movement. It’s natural for routines or self-care to fall to the wayside in difficult times. But I will say, the sooner that you can get yourself back on track, the better. You don’t have to go to the gym for an hour-long HIIT workout, even if that’s what you’re used to. You don’t even have to hop right back into going to bed at 10:00 PM, or your usual bedtime. What matters is that you’re still making an effort to care for yourself.
You don’t have to be perfect about it. Heck, none of us are even perfect about our habits, even in the happiest of times. Or the most neutral, mundane of times. We’re all beautifully imperfect humans on any given day. But in difficult times, sometimes what we really need to find comfort is a sense of normalcy and consistency. Plus, it’s healthy habits like keeping up with sleep, gently moving your body, eating enough food, and drinking enough water that help keep us physically, mentally, and emotionally well. I’d even argue that these essential forms of self-care are crucial for finding comfort and peace in difficult times.
Remember, consistency and effort matter way more than perfection here too. Eating a pre-packaged muffin for breakfast is better than not eating breakfast at all. And going for a 10-minute walk is better than doomscrolling instead of hitting the yoga mat. So is going to bed at 12:30 AM over pulling another near all-nighter. Be firm, but gentle with yourself.
Care For Yourself And Allow Moments Of Joy
My lovely, even in the most difficult of times, you are still allowed to feel moments of joy and happiness. Please don’t think that your full focus needs to be on the hardship, grief, or tragedy that is happening in the news or around you. You are more than allowed to watch a lighthearted TikTok video or Instagram Reel and laugh. It is okay to give your heart a break and play a video game that brings you joy. You’re also not minimizing the situation by laughing about happy memories with your family. Nor are you doing anything wrong by getting a pint of ice cream and lying back with a skincare mask while watching a movie.
Quite honestly, allowing yourself a moment to smile and indulge in what makes you happy is exactly how you find a bit of comfort in difficult times. You’re not obligated to be sad or angry the entire time, with no moments of light. It’s actually better for your mental health to give yourself a break emotionally. Certainly, you can cry and feel your raw emotions in some moments. But don’t feel as though you also can’t take a moment to escape. Or that you can’t find any light in a difficult situation. I can personally tell you that I was moved by the way my community came together in a moment of tragic loss, while also feeling heartbroken and angry by what had occurred.
Seriously, my lovely, allow yourself to find moments of peace and comfort in any way that you can as you navigate difficult times. Not every moment has to be emotionally heavy. Nor do you need to be focused on the hardship or grief at every moment. Let yourself take a moment to feel joy and care for yourself.
Connect With Others And Find Community
Let me be clear about something here: I’m an introvert, and I enjoy (and need) my solitude. I also sometimes need to process things alone in moments of grief, stress, or hardship. However, I also objectively know that I need human connection, just like every other human. We all need a sense of connection and community to some degree as we move through life. And honestly, it’s through finding community and support that we remember we are not alone. Plus, connecting with others also reminds us that there is so much beauty in the world and reminds us that there are kind people out there. Which is honestly exactly what we need a reminder of sometimes.
Seriously, talk to those that you trust about what you’re feeling, even if it’s just surface level. You’ll quickly find that others are going through something similar or understand what you’re feeling. Heck, sometimes even just saying hello to your neighbors on your morning walk is a way to spread positivity and kindness, and feel that bit of peace and comfort you’re needing. Even connecting with others online is a wonderful way to find support and community as you navigate difficult times. But at the same time, look into in-person support groups and attend local events that resonate with you. Even if it’s slightly uncomfortable at first. We all need somebody to lean on as we try to find comfort in difficult times.
Mental Health and Support Resources
If you are really struggling, please consider reaching out to the resources listed below. There is no shame in asking for help or support, even if you’re just looking for someone to process your emotions with. You do not need to be in crisis to reach out for professional help or support. You don’t even necessarily need to be in crisis to use a crisis line to talk through what you’re feeling. Just do note that they will ask to ensure your safety, as they’ve been trained to do so. And you’re not taking the time away from someone else if you need support; please remember that.
That said, these resources are US-based resources. If you are outside the US, you may need to do a quick web search to find the resources that are available in your region.
| National Suicide Prevention Lifeline | Call or Text 988 https://chat.988lifeline.org/ |
| Find a Therapist | https://www.psychologytoday.com/us |
Conclusion
Life is undeniably beautiful, but it also has its difficult times. We all go through moments of grief and hardship, and there is no shame in admitting that you’re going through a hard time. Sometimes, we have to allow ourselves to cry, or even scream. While some emotions are certainly unpleasant, it’s necessary to allow ourselves to feel them in difficult times. While also realizing that we are also allowed to find peace, healing, and comfort in those difficult times. Remember, my lovely, slowly but surely, healing rises from the ashes of hardship. And finding the light in what feels like dark times is part of what allows for healing and comfort.
What brings you comfort in times of hardship, grief, or difficulty? What do you like to do to find moments of ease and care for yourself as you navigate something difficult or emotionally heavy? Do you have a story you’d like to share about a time you navigated grief or hardship and found ways to bring comfort and peace into your life? I’d love to hear from you.
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